Saturday, November 3, 2007

Got Change?

Case File# 8A2734
My subject is allegedly suffering from an injured neck and back and has told the insurance company he can no longer work. It isn’t much work to discover that he is, nevertheless, employed by a large vending machine company. He has apparently neglected to inform his new employer of one little detail -- he is not supposed to be working.
Subject’s duties involve checking several vending machines each day to restock and collect the money. He then reports back to the company and turns in the proceeds.
One fine day my subject drives to work as usual. He departs on his route driving the company truck, unaware that his temporary guardian angel – me – is accompanying him. The first stop for this diligent employee is his own house, where he apparently goes back to bed. After a couple of hours, he decides to get after it, and drives to his first stop and performs dutifully.
On his next stop, he also does a superb job restocking machines and removing cash. Then, as he approaches his vehicle, he looks around. This is when I really start paying attention, as his behavior is sending up a flare saying, “OK, watch me do something really stupid.”
After looking in all directions including mine (window tint is a wonderful invention), he pulls currency out of the company pouch, removes his wallet from his back pocket and deposits the cash there. He looks around again, satisfied, and gets back in the vehicle.
This makes you wonder why the subject does this while standing in the parking lot next to his truck and not inside it. It makes me wonder, too.
Anyway, Mr. Skim-a-little-from-my-new-employer returns to his residence, where he possibly stuffs his mattress with his earnings before taking another nap. He must do one heckuva job interview.
In about 45 minutes he departs again. His next vending machine stop is – I kid you not -- the local sheriff’s department. For some reason, he decides not to add to his retirement fund at this location.
He makes a few more stops and takes two more rest periods at home. He then returns to the vending company and calls it a day.
I would pay good money to be in the room when my videotape is shown to my subject. He will presumably have plenty of time in the pokey to rest his bad back and neck.